1) A Dirty, smelly sock containing a live cobra and embroidered with the words "To Agent Pizza. My regards, G__t_" But there were some holes in part of the last word. Not sure who sent it, but I'm sure they meant well.
2) One bottle of "Kennie's All-Purpose Cleaning Solution" with small print reading "Only to be used on traffic cones and chalkboards".
3) One broken bottle that seems to have contained some sort of tar-like substance.
4) A nightstand made of toothpicks and marshmallows, or rather, what little remains of said nightstand.
5) Three rather confused-looking pelicans.
6) A salt shaker.
7) A round, black device with some sort of fuse sticking out, that seems to be on fire. Perhaps an exotic candle design.
7) A "LOST CAT" poster featuring a picture of a Christmas Tree. There's an autograph and message reading "This was all I had on hand" on the back.
8) Two strange bits of a fabric-like material, one with "us" on it, the other with "o" embroidered in the fabric. Very strange.
So as you can see, we got a total of 9 helpful gifts, but unfortunately none of them are very helpful.
Hold on a moment, I think I can hear a loud rumbling noise coming from a lower deck. And somebody seems to be shouting "What idiot put a bomb in the mail room?". Hmm... must be a loud radio program or something.