Thanks!

Just a quick thank you to all of you devoted fans who sent in Horn-Polishing Solution in response to our last post! It means a lot to think that all of you are such amazing followers, and even more amazing is that you had Horn-Polishing Solution (or similar) on hand! Here is what we have received in the mail so far:

1) A Dirty, smelly sock containing a live cobra and embroidered with the words "To Agent Pizza. My regards, G__t_" But there were some holes in part of the last word. Not sure who sent it, but I'm sure they meant well.

2) One bottle of "Kennie's All-Purpose Cleaning Solution" with small print reading "Only to be used on traffic cones and chalkboards".

3) One broken bottle that seems to have contained some sort of tar-like substance.

4) A nightstand made of toothpicks and marshmallows, or rather, what little remains of said nightstand.

5) Three rather confused-looking pelicans.

6) A salt shaker.

7) A round, black device with some sort of fuse sticking out, that seems to be on fire. Perhaps an exotic candle design.

7) A "LOST CAT" poster featuring a picture of a Christmas Tree. There's an autograph and message reading "This was all I had on hand" on the back.

8) Two strange bits of a fabric-like material, one with "us" on it, the other with "o" embroidered in the fabric. Very strange.

So as you can see, we got a total of 9 helpful gifts, but unfortunately none of them are very helpful.

Hold on a moment, I think I can hear a loud rumbling noise coming from a lower deck. And somebody seems to be shouting "What idiot put a bomb in the mail room?". Hmm... must be a loud radio program or something.