Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Cannon Surplus, Macaroni

Well, once again, I have horrible news. Although we tried very hard to prevent it, Gusto has actually managed to destroy our cannon supplies with his Macaroni Machine 3008.14 . Here is the full scoop:

Gusto created his machine after Chizu noticed that we had a huge surplus of cannons, which is strange because we always seem to have a lot of cannons on this ship. I investigated this matter a few weeks ago, in fact, and discovered an enormous cannon manufacturing center between the 7th and 9th decks, which accounts for the missing 8th deck of our ship. I was about to report this find when Gusto accidentally threw some dynamite at me and missed (a common pastime of his, both the dynamite part and the missing and hitting large and expensive targets part). The whole facility came crashing down, and Nadine immediately came down to investigate the source of the noise. She called a meeting, and this is what happened:

Gusto: It wasn't me!
Agent: It was too! Just check the video footage!

At this point everybody reviewed the video footage of the incident which Zora had been recording for no apparent reason, and agreed that Gusto was in fact responsible.

Agent: See! It was him!
Gusto: Okay, fine, perhaps it was me.
Nadine: Gusto! This is crossing the line! I have put up with you releasing scorpions on my favorite Dance Dance Revolution game, launching Zora's cannon incorrectly, getting a second Gusto to come aboard (which one are you, incidentally?), blowing up half the ship, blowing up the hole ship, sinking most of the ship, and stealing a fish from the freezer, but I will not stand for you destroying an entire floor of the ship!
Chizu: Oh come on, it isn't that bad! He didn't mean to hit the facility!
Agent: Yeah, he only meant to hit ME!
Chizu: Well I still think you are making a big deal about this.
Eréndira: But without any cannons, how will we travel with efficiency in this modern age? For more information, see my graduate paper: Cannons in the industrial revolution: Efficient travel, gunpowder usage, and the best way to tame naughty ostriches. You see...
Chizu: *in tears* It wasn't his fault! He is a good penguin at heart!
Eréndira: ...And then in paragraph 6, I discuss the many uses, pros, and cons of cannons as compared to planes, buses, trains, and skateboards, comparing mobility and range. Then, in paragraph 7, I talk about good aiming and the potential side effects of bad aim. And...
Chizu: *crying profusely* And I mean, he is just so sweet! And he baked me a cake once! I think... wait, that was a rock. But still!
*silence falls*
Nadine: Alright, so, since we are all in agreement that Gusto caused this, inadvertently or not, I think I have a reasonable punishment. He must rebuild the facility, AND to teach him a lesson, he must also make a Macaroni Machine that will make macaroni. Is this clear with everyone?
*silence for several minutes*
Zora, Eréndira, and Chizu: *spontaneously begin breakdancing*
Nadine: I will take that as a yes.

So now, a few weeks later, Gusto finished both tasks, but on the first test run of his Macaroni Machine, he managed to wipe out the entire cannon facility again, so Eréndira was unable to make her regular trip to the tri-annual breakdancing competition, the prize money from which is one of the only sources of steady income for the ship, and as such we are out of Horn polishing solution.

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