I told you

I TOLD you that Gusto would be trouble, and now look what he's done!

That little penguin has just managed to destroy my entire room, in a large "Accident".

You see, Gusto came to me the other day. This was our conversation:

Me: "Oh, brother. What do you want, Gusto?"

Gusto: "Oh Agent, I am so sorry! I just wanted to apologize for my present I gave you when I got back!"

Me: "Oh, so you're sorry that you gave me a box full of scorpions? About time!"

Gusto: "What? What do you mean, scorpions?"

Me: "WHAT SCORPIONS? I mean those deadly scorpions you put in that box!"

Gusto: "Huh? That's funny, they must have snuck in there on the way back..."

Me: "Sure... Well, we'll discuss that later. If not the scorpions, what do you want to apologize for?"

Gusto: "Oh, I was sorry about the broken hinge!"

Me: "WHAT? Compared to the contents, the hinge was fine! Why are you sorry for that?"

Gusto: "No! I'm so sorry! I just couldn't sleep with the guilt! Please accept my apologies!"

Me: "What are you up to this time?"

Gusto: "So you forgive me? Thanks!"

Me: "Hold on, I never sai-"

Gusto: "Wonderful! Here, take this present as a sign of my apologies!"

Me: "What? Uh... okay..."

Gusto: "Well, see ya!"

Then he ran out of the room. The present was a large red box that seemed to have no hidden traps, so I decided to open it. Inside there was just a bunch of gray powder, which blew all around my room and got caught in the cracks in the walls. I realized this must just be another of Gusto's tricks, so I threw away the box and tried in futility to remove the dust. Finally I decided to go to Chizu and try to make her see sense about her rampant pet.

The meeting did not go well. Chizu refused to look up from her book for most of the time, and when I finally got her to stop studying thermonuclear reactors, she claimed that Gusto was a harmless, nice-spirited penguin who was kind enough to give everyone souvenirs. I was about to open my mouth and inform her that she was the only one who had kept hers; everybody else threw theirs away the day after receiving them. Unfortunately, she angrily shoved me out of her room and locked the door, so I walked resignedly back to my cabin.

When I was almost down the hallway to my cabin, I heard someone shout behind me. Upon turning around, I spotted Gusto, who immediately threw a a lit candle at me and yelled "Oops! Agent, catch!" with an evil little smirk. Of course, I couldn't catch it with so little warning, and the candle smashed onto the floor of my room. At that moment, Nadine rounded the corner to tell me that we were missing a bag of gunpowder for the cannons, when the entire room exploded in an enormous flash.

Once I regained conciousness, which I was told was 6 minutes later, Everyone was crowded around me and all the humans seemed worried (note how I said "all the humans"). I sat up and accused Gusto of putting gunpowder all over my room, but he feigned innocence and Chizu defended him, so finally all the rest of us gave up accusing him and we had to go about normal business.

I have spent all my time since rebuilding the room, and whenever I see Gusto, I always see his tongue sticking out of the corner of my eye, but for some strange reason this doesn't happen when Chizu is around. Strange.

Gusto Returns!

Recently, a very terrible development developed! This was, of course, that Gusto the penguin returned to the ship!

Okay, take a few minutes to sit back down in your chair, put your socks back on, and possibly repair all four walls you just crashed through with surprise.

Now, some of you might not have known Gusto was on vacation, but trust me, the crew here knew perfectly well (we have all been having parties every day this week, except Chizu who has been reading the same novel over and over again, "How to fix a thermonuclear reactor For Dummies"). Anyway, Gusto had been gone to visit his relatives in Antarctica for Penguin-Bottle Day, which I am pretty sure he just made up so Chizu would let him go. The reasons I think this are mostly related to the fact that he only packed shorts in his suitcase, and I saw a brochure for Costa Rica in his pocket. But that isn't important; the important thing is that the little dude has come back aboard our boat!

Earlier today, he handed out souveniers to everybody on the boat. Everybody but Chizu and I got snowglobes that had duct tape over the labels, on which was written in permanent marker "Antartica". Strangely, I thought I saw a "C" under Nadine's, which was peeling slightly, but no matter.

Chizu got a jewel-encrusted statue of Gusto himself, which was 16 feet tall and at least 4 tons. Sadly, the statue crashed through the deck of the ship and smashed Gusto's entire room, which made us all very sad. Strangely, Chizu was the only one who looked sad, but everybody else said they were crying on the inside. Weird.

My present, of course, was a roughly cut wooden box that was half-rotten and had a broken hinge. Upon opening it, I found it was filled with poisonous scorpions, which tried to sting me. Luckily, I was wearing a scorpion-proof suit, so they all got bored and decided to go play Dance Dance Revolution in the cargo hold. When I was still alive after a few minutes, I noticed Gusto was crying, but when questioned he said that he was sad about his cabin and that I should be more grateful for my presents.

Well, this is not a good sign. Gusto always causes trouble aboard the ship, and now that he is back from his Antartica Vacation, I'm worried for the ship's safety.

Transmission Unknown.

The sea had been calm for a long while when we woke up to the sound of someone trying to contact us by radio. I picked up the transmission and typed in the code and called all the passengers to see why this boat was trying to contact us. Here is the transcript:

CrankY2: Hello. Hello. Please is anyone there?
Mlnsrstrng(Chizu): YES! Please speak!!!
CrankY2: Is your boat near?
Mlnststrng(Nadine): You block of Cheddah cheese, how do you expect us to know if WE are near YOUR boat?????
Mlnsrstrng(Agent): Uhhh yeah. She's got a point.
CrankY2: OMG I am so sorry, it is just that... disaster has struck our boat.
Mlnsrstrng(Zora): honk. honk HONK!!!
Mlnsrstrng(everyone else): Sorry about that!
Mlnsrstrng(Erendira): So tell us what is up with yo boat?
CrankY2: It capsized and I am all alone.
Mlnsrstrng(Agent): How much food do you have with you? because if you give us yor address we can send you our last piece of fish.
CrankY2: Ooooh a plane has come to save me. Thanks for your help!
Mlnsrstrg(Nadine): Did we send a plane?
Mlnsrstrg(Gusto, Agent, Erendira, Chizu): No I don't think so.
Mlnsrstrg(Zora): HONK!
Mlnsrstrg(Gusto, Agent, Erendira, Chizu): ZORA SENT THE PLANE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CrankY2: You have saved my boat, my life, my possesions, my stamp collection... I don't know how to thank you.
Mlnsrstrg( Agent): Wait uhh, didn't you say your boat capsized?
CrankY2: Oh... yeah DARN how did I FORGET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mlnsrstrg( Erendira): Wait aren't you on your 'boat' now??
CrankY2: No, I WAS LYING HAHAHAHAHHAHA WOW LOOK WHOSE DUMB NOW!!!!

Mlnsrstrg(Gusto, Agent, Erendira, Chizu): Catch ya on the flip side yo!
Mlnsrstrg(Zora): HONK honk HONK!!!
CrankY2: See ya good chappzzz.

Weird huh? That is what we woke up to. I am still wondering what to make of it.

Disaster; e pluribus unum

My greetings to you all,

I do not know or guess if you have been following the latest news on our blog. I created this blog 2 years ago in order articulate and inform to you what was to happen on out trip. As you may have surmised this trip has gotten, well a bit longer than we had hoped. I hope you understand.

Now! To this week's post! We had rounded the corner of a bay marked 'rugg' when I sensed a disturbance. In this blog you may rememer a certain.. well penguin. named Gusto. He is, well uhh, very well liked by the crew and we always try to the best of our ability to make him feel welcome. Agent Pizza even made him a heated bed! You may have heard about this, but unfortunatly Gusto destroy it claiming it was an oven. Wow. I know I felt bad for poor Agent. His gift smashed and burned when he had really meant well.

Chizu and I tried to cheer him up.

We bought him 400 volumes of Sherry's boat handbook and one volume of Boat Polish: All you want to know and way more. Agent likes these kinds of games. We were pretty impressed with our selves for coming up with it for him. So we got up early and dumped them all over the deck and buried the boat polish bok deep in the middle. Then we went back to bed nad must have overslept because we woke up and it was a few minutes later. So Agent sais to use the portkey and we did. Then Zora found here pillow stuffed with a vulture, and well that was pretty much the end of it. Except the beginning which was cool

Made it back!

Hey everyone! I finally dragged myself back on board. Well, okay, there is the slight possibility that Nadine helped. Just a little bit mind you. I did most of it. Well... I suppose if you don't count the fifty escape ladders, inflatable raft, 6 motor boats, and an enormous vaccuum to dry out the ocean around me, then I did a lot. Moving on.

So what I was going to tel you about rocks was that, back in the stone age, they were very important. This time, I made sure to stay inside my cabin before stepping back into any ages.

Ready?

Sure you are.

GO!

...

Well...

Nothing is happening, to be blunt. Ah well, I can just describe it anyway. So basically back in the stone age they really liked rocks. And I mean a lot. They even named their age after it, for heaven's sake. Well, the rock was an important commodity, since it was important and a commodity. Funny, isn't it?

Well, the rock was just being introduced. After using stone to build everything for the past 19 centuries, the human race decided to use a less durable, true, but more stylish building material. Hence, the rock was created. In fact, a typewriter inventor discovered it (typewriter inventors, were of course, people who were paid to invent the typewriter. Strangely, there was only one, but that isn't important right now). Anyway, before you distracted me with your distracting distractions about the distracting topic of... er... what was that again? Oh yes, about Zucchini, then I was very pointedly telling you that the same person who invented a typewriter also invented the rock, because he was looking at this stone that he had put in his office to use as a paperweight. Well, as they always say: "One great invention has a 42.6% chance of fueling, creating, or generating (or perhaps inspiring) another invention if it is created by a person wearing a primary color." Oh come on, don't give me any rubbish about not hearing that one, all the really good scientists say it. Gosh. Anyway, (am I having Deja Vu?) As he looked, he immediately began typing upon his typewriter. Now if you were paying close attention, you would have noticed three things:

1. The inventor was, in fact, wearing a primary color
2. The typewriter had just been invented, so consequently:
3. The typewriter in question was a miserable failure

You may be wondering why this is important, so I will show you using italicized font! YAY!

The typewriter inventor's sweat flew across the room as he furiously typed away at his new invention. The clock in the corner ticked away slowly as the sun beat down from his window into the tiny cubicle. His coworker's breathing was apparent as he lay down a finger, then the next, in an un-relenting rhythm. Starting to catch the beat, he began to type more furiously and quickly. Unknown to those around him in the sweating typewriter inventing office, his tapping had a rhythm now that only he could hear. Inside his mind he felt the power in his words, thoughts, fingers, welling up, a pressure so great, so strong...

And then, the message ended.

With a sound like a fireworks display in the middle of February, the office and the little cubicle erupted. Order wallowed off to find a less troublesome area of mind-numbing invention, and in the few seconds of time that spaced between the abrupt termination of the little man's rhythm and his realization, the tattered remains of his beat drifted down aroudn his head, mocking him. As his fingers started to lose speed, trying their best to respond to his brain's frantic signals, they made a tremendous crash as they beat down four times more. In shock, the inventor stared down at his creation. With a thumping heart, the word there began to fill his vision, and soon he could see but one thing: the word "rock". Backward he wheeled, out of the cubicle and out of the office, trying to get away from that horrible, evil, filthy little word that caused him his mistake. He jumped from the window, aided only by his total shock, and fell unknowingly onto a mattress shop's blowout-sale sidewalk booth, savin his already unconscious soul. With a final effort to shrug off the blackness enclosing, he feebly muttered "R- ro--- Rock!" to the surrounding crowd. They shrank back, unsure what to make of this new development in their otherwise peaceful world. Suddenly it hit one of them. Literally. As he had stopped to think, the window had burst open above him as one worker after another began to drop their stone paperweights, stone picture frames, stone coffee mugs, and even stone socks onto the stone sidewalk below. Within hours, the entire city was reeling in the shock that their peaceful world of stone had been turned into this harsh word, "rock", and the chaos was immense and powerful. Suddenly, a figure rose before those assembled in front of the stone dump, where they had previously been ridding themselves of the vile substance. With a flick of his rock remote control, a team of higly-trained assault troops came in and took everyone hostage.

Yes you were expecting them to all come to the realization that the two are the same thing and live happily ever after, weren't you? Well sorry, but it turns out that the only reason everything worked out is because everyone was kept captive and taken to Mars except the few who believed in rock, and so they survived and started using the words interchangeably and blah blah blah.

The moral of the story is, don't look directly at the sun. It hurts.

Falling off the boat is bad.

No really, I am serious. Many of you might be thinking "Wow, that Agent Pizza guy has finally gone round the bend". In fact, I thought that very thought as I thought to my self while walking around a corner this morning. As you may have surmised, "corner" is a codename for "bend" that I like to use to throw people off. Anyway, where was I? Oh shoot, I think the code is too effective... Oh well. I will choose another random topic:

Rocks.

Yes, rocks. Sadly enough, rocks are a under-mis-de-badly represented topic in today's internet age, and I though we might all take a step back into the stone age for a moment...

Oh dang, I think I just stepped off the edge (of the boat). Well, in these few seconds I have to type this, I will submit it. See you all later.

I went on a Walk with my bird

Many would argue that "you can't go on a walk with your bird" well turns out you can. If you don't believe me look it up in the "going on a walk with your bird" encyclopedia. Its true. see i was getting tired of microwaving chili peppers in the refrigerator so i decided to go on a walk. you may recall that we are currently on a boat so my walk ended up being across the deck and back. Then a large dump truck arrived and deposited approximately 122,231,557,098,676,000000 oranges into the bathtub. Why he did this is confidential information and will only be given to people with AA battery flashlights.

I was greatly weakened and went to take a nap. Upon arriving at my bed, i realized i had previously stuffed my pillow case with vultures so as not to attract mice. This proved a problem and so i abandoned my plan and headed out to attend a 6:00 baseball game in the chamber of secrets. I soon realized this would not be possible so i went to my room to take a nap. I was astounded to find that my pillow case was some how stuffed with vultures. I descended into the lower chambers of the boat and placed a call to the VULTURE REMOVAL SQUAD. They agreed to come to my aid at once and i thanked them deeply. As i was coming up the stairs i tripped over a giraffe disguised as a cat, and fell through a trap door. I had not realized this was here until shortly after i discovered it. I was very curious and at once remembered that a trap door in a boat could possibly lead to a hidden treasure chest filled with chalk. As i proceeded down the dark tunnel i suddenly became aware that i was being watched by stone snake. i looked closer and saw a PRESS HERE button, i casually pressed the button and found myself falling through the ceiling and onto my bed. My pillow case seemed to be rather bulky. I was about to inspect more carefully when the telephone rang. I hurried to get it and to my dismay it was the VULTURE REMOVAL SQUAD explaining that all of its members were on holiday in France and would be back in five years if i wanted to call then. I agreed to this and decided to go back to microwaving chili peppers in the refrigerator.

When i finally got to sleep i had a dream the was a vulture who was flying along, cool and beautiful when it ran into a pillar.